A Funny Thing Happened On My Way To The Closing

Dated: 12/17/2016

Views: 1791


The Red Room

I was doing an inspection in Highlands Ranch.  Beautiful house, tastefully done.  When we got to the basement, we noticed a handmade door, more of a hatch, halfway up the wall, with a set of moveable steps leading up to it.  We figured it went into a crawl space under the front of the house.  We expected  the usual crawl space stuff, plastic on the floor, some storage boxes, useless stuff that didn't get thrown away.  We opened the door and turned on the light, and crawled into a padded room with red plush velvet, so much foam you could sink down about a foot and electric outlets every three feet.  We had a good laugh thinking what this room was used for, but we were too embarassed to ask the listing agent.


The Pink Room

The inspector told me about another one with pink shag carpet in the crawl space.  But with this one he found whips, chains, costumes and appliances.  People are a little weird.


The snake house

Had a property in North Aurora to be inspected, an older home on a crawl space.  The inspector has a couple of deal breakers: he hates snakes and spiders.  (Well, who doesn't?) So he turns up in his baby blue hazmat suit (to match his eyes), booties and a face mask.  Older home crawl spaces are famous for big surprises like dead animals and spiders.  So down he goes through the outside hatch.  One minute later he comes flying out of the hatch like he's riding a rocket, screaming "SNAKES!!  SNAKES!!"  Evidently dozens curled upstarting to hibernate.  The clients and I were rolling on the grass hysterically laughing.  It was Autumn and I guess the snakes were cold.  Sadly, the buyers didn't see the benefits of having snakes for room mates, so they canceled the purchase.


The Government owned house

Luckily the statute of limitations has passed, so my friend won't mind me telling you this:  with homes owned by the government, no work can be done by the prospective owner until the closing is over.  BUT, it has to be inspected by the government, and if it doesn't pass, the transaction is cancelled.  So, when my friend had her inspector in, they noticed that there was a significant leak in the plumbing.  An automatic defeat of the contract.  The client had to close by the end of the month, as his lease was up.  So you do what you have to do.  On the next Saturday night  at midnight, my friend, her plumber and I  did a bit of soldering.  Problem solved.  House closed.  Everybody happy.


Showing homes in the Country can be an Adventure

I had a client we called "The man Mountain" He was really tall.  And strong.  I wasn't sure he would fit in my car, at the time a Camry wagon.  We were looking at country property in Elizabeth, so bumpy dirt roads and not much in the way of houses.  We were driving down one road with steep drop offs on each side, and the road abruptly stopped.  No more road.  Not enough road to turn around.  I was scared that we would go over the side.  So the man mountain got out of the car, picked up the front fender, hoisted the damn car up and turned it around the other way so we could get out.  Boy, was I impressed.

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